Heterosexual married men from suburbia with families who crossdress? Apparently a much more common practice than most people would imagine. And even as we approach the 21st Century, the idea of a heterosexual man in heels is still more than a little threatening. And confusing even for the crossdressers themselves. I thought I might be crazy, but I knew I wasn't gay. While producing the first documentary on heterosexual crossdressing called All Dressed Up And No Place To Go, I found a host of misconceptions rampant in most people's thinking.
William Stayton, Head of the University of Pennsylvania's Department of Human Sexuality and himself a therapist for crossdressers, reported "People associate cross dressing with effeminacy and being gay and the fact is most of them are not gay. They are very definitely heterosexual. Their wives tend to find them delightful and often it can become a real enhancement to marital relations. I was married to a woman that didn't approve and it was painful.
Now I tell the women and let them even see "Jean. Pam, the wife of a Bank VP cross-dresser recounts, "I did feel funny at first. I love my husband as a man but when I saw him in a dress as 'Barbara' I thought how can I love him?
The answer was I didn't have to love him the same way. With 'Barbara' we're friends like I would be with any girlfriend. When he's dressed as a man, I feel free to love him as a man. However many revealed that while teenagers there was a high degree of sexual excitement related to crossdressing mostly relieved through masturbation. As hormones calmed down and they reached adulthood the sexual element declined and the feelings the crossdressing elicited were very different.
Stayton reported, "is that very early on they associate these clothes with relaxation and stress relief. They often use it to feel calmer. There is an erotic element to the cross dressing. Many will cross dress or fantasize about being CD to enhance sexual enjoyment, but its not necessary. Many men don't ever even reach the point of fully dressing but feel the same relaxed feeling by just wearing women's undies under their suits. Stayton commented, adding he has first hand knowledge since many are his patients.
However crossdressers did report their sex lives were enhanced by crossdressing to some degree. Therefore most conventions of cross dressers find a roomful of men in dressed-for-success women's suits, low heels, tasteful makeup and coiffed hair It's very rarely something that develops in adulthood.
We all have preferences, but the truth is there's no common thread and we really don't know why it happens," reports Dr. One wife reports her husband likes to dance as his "femme" self where he wouldn't feel that free as a man. Other wives recount how their husbands will shop with them when otherwise they'd never have the patience.
Most professionals now try to counsel the crossdresser to deal with his cross dressing rather than eradicate it.