Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. However, I came home from that experience feeling restless and mid-life crisis-y. I realized my year relationship now-marriage had some predictable sexual patterns, which happens in any long-term relationship. But suddenly, I felt a strong compulsion to break free of those patterns. Could it be turning 50? So, I turned to my man for help. What makes my husband so incredibly badass is that when I said, "I think I'm having a midlife crisis.
Instead, I found books and movies where women are sexually ravished and even aggressively taken exciting. And that I judged myself for it. I've been a sex columnist, which suggests Sexual Libertine, but in many ways I'm repressed. I was raised Mormon, so my psychological, sexual landscape has definitely been impacted by the sexual repression in that culture leaving me to to frequent battle with the Morality Police, priggish Jacques and Ferrar, that live inside my head.
My therapist, who is often a place of temperate permission, explained that she believes, and I quote: The male will bite the female's neck, scratching her and holding her down forcefully.
My doc surmised that humans most likely have a genetic or biological sexual impulse that is very similar to that of animals. After my session, whilst googling the keyphrase: What do Women Want in Bed? Two of them made my Morality Police, irascible Jacques and Ferrar, take note.
Just about every woman I encountered had the words 'more aggressive sex' rolling off her tongue. From being tied up and spanked to having their hair pulled and being mildly asphyxiated, the women were quite enthusiastic about aggressive sex. Of course, I'm not implying that you should go home and smack your lady up, but instead, maybe a little roughing in the bedroom can work wonders for your sex life. But I agree with the spirit of the note. Ah, fantasies, the beauty of them lies in the fact that many are not realized.
But as one woman put it: I'm tired of making love and doing things gently all the time. I want him to ravish me like an animal and tell me to be quiet whenever I try to say something. They simply fear that if they behave in such a manner, then their men will think less of them, and some are even afraid that their men will mistakenly begin treating them differently outside the bedroom as well.
All the same, many women are big fans of scenarios such as the one described. In the last quote I particularly appreciate that the author has made a distinction between what women like in bed versus what they prefer in real life. All of this is food for thought and a catalyst to ex-communicate the puritanical, prudish, Victorian Jacques and Ferrar with regards to my midlife ennui.
I recognize that my sexual relationship with my husband hasn't stopped growing. It's been stunted a bit by the last 13 years of raising children, but there is nothing that says we can't pick up the reins and continue to grow and even surprise each other as the years unfold.
I think the ace we have up our sleeve is genuine goodwill toward each other and a willingness to communicate, even the trickiest most vulnerable, uncomfortable stuff.