When I put out a call on Twitter for advice they wanted to give to partners, these were some of the most common responses. This post features frank discussions of sexuality and may be NSFW. Our culture unleashes many forms of toxic socialization on its inhabitants, but few lessons seem to take as well as teaching girls from the cradle to coddle the male ego, not just with flattery but with a deep unwillingness to speak truths that could cause men to feel uncomfortable or imperfect.
And nowhere is this less true than in the sack. We know we should get over it already. The female half of the human race spends an ungodly amount of time and money trying to unlearn passivity and replace it with a dose of speaking up for themselves. Read more from the Daily Dot: In fact, many things that look good in porn can keep us from having fun in real-life sex.
For instance, in porn the only parts of their bodies the actors often touch are their genitals, so that the camera can get a full view of the action. But in real life, sex is more of a whole-body experience, and the genital-only thing can feel cold and masturbatory. Are you trying this and then trying that and finding nothing works to get her there?
She might feel that bringing a vibrator in bed will make you feel like less than a man, or she might worry that having you eat her out at length is boring for you. But pretty much all women turn the volume up on the ones they do have, because they know you like it.
Sex is no time for masculine stoicism. A little verbal appreciation in the form of moaning and groaning makes a nice two-way street. When I put the call out for suggestions for this article, this was probably the No. Men who dive at your genitals with their mouths were appreciated for their enthusiasm, but not so much for their technique.
Overall, the feeling was that more pressure can be added as needed, but the shock to the system of having someone overdo it can be a major turnoff. Communication between partners is the ideal. You might find that having patience and understanding will make it easier to draw them out over the long run. It likely took a lot of courage to do so in the first place. This post was originally featured on the Good Men Project and reposted with permission.