But the ways that women experience and express their sexuality are often very different from their male partners. Sex begins in the mind. But her body is very different hormonally. Sex is about being desired. Just as men often expect abundant sex after marriage , women have expectations of lots of continuing romance that assures her of her sexual desirability. Sex is a mixed bag.
Most women do love sex, but desire can easily be derailed by tiredness, resentment, or the physiological problems of pain or menopause. Women often come to bed willing to have a good experience, but not really wanting or craving sex until aroused. And sometimes getting to the peak of arousal can be a bumpy climb; for many women, it may take up 45 minutes. Experiencing regular orgasms is not as easy for women as it is for men, but it is necessary for continued desire.
So, while men love variety, women may prefer a tried and true position or routine, because there is more guarantee of her pleasure, which allows her to relax in the moment. While many women do learn orgasm through self-stimulation, a large proportion begin their sexual lives within a relationship or hook-up. The first time they are touched intimately may be by another person, whereas nearly all men start their sexual lives with masturbation.
Her need to feel emotionally safe before the sexual moment cannot be overstated. Romance and seduction are ways that both men and women can co-create a context for sex that helps her separate from the cares of her day and her mental checklist of things to do, and brings her to a place of vulnerability.
Sex is an aspect of love. Sex is a way she gives love. If there is relational warmth and good will, this offering can be a real gift of love. Some women find deep satisfaction in sexual intercourse, even if it comes without her orgasm. Men and women both need to feel deeply attached to their partner for happiness. But our starting place is often different. Emotional intimacy combined with sexual intimacy is the combination that creates a passionate marriage or partnership.
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