Other thoughts include not liking my body, and interpreting letting go as losing control. Alamy My partner and I have been together for 20 years; we have a child together. But shortly into our relationship and over the years, I became increasingly uninterested in sex, although when we have it I thoroughly enjoy it. Perhaps I prefer sex with women, with whom I have had relationships in the past?
Other thoughts include not liking my body, and interpreting letting go as losing control I have always been more dominant in bed. My partner continues to love me. We talk about the situation at times and he says it hurts him that our sex life is this way. We are very tactile — we kiss and cuddle a lot — but he is petrified to make any sexual advances and be rejected.
I just wish I could physically express the love I feel for him more often. The problem is now exacerbated by my menopause — penetrative sex is painful. We went to joint therapy, but it ended up dealing with other concerns. I want to embark on the therapy alone in the first instance, with the possibility of considering joint therapy later.
You can absolutely embark on therapy by yourself — I have put links at the bottom to find reputable therapists. It sounds like you have a loving relationship and you speak very fondly of your partner. There is quite a lot you describe that is normal. Your question mark over your sexuality may also have something to do with it — these are all things that can be explored in therapy.
I consulted Trudy Hannington , a psychosexual therapist. Do you dare say how you really feel? There may also be a menopause clinic your GP can refer you to. You could also get your testosterone levels checked levels fall with the menopause. As for being dominant before and not being able to now, Hannington asks: If he treats you differently than other men, that may make you feel differently about him.
If I could wave a magic wand for you, what would sex be like? It seems as if the subject of your sex life is wrapped up with many other things at the moment — how much are these things a cover? Again, this is not uncommon. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.