Prostitution is steady work. I open my legs. And then I close them. It beats working in an office. After leaving university, I applied for a number of jobs that I never got and watched my savings steadily dwindle. So when a friend gave me the phone number of a madam, I decided to become a call girl. And that's really all there is to me, but since I've been overpaid to write a book I'd better witter on.
Samedi, le 1 novembre. French is so sophisticated and sensual. It also reminds you that I'm middle-class and respectable, because no one's really interested in working-class or foreign prostitutes. Did I mention that I am actually rather clever?
Well, Martin Amis is cool. My nipples are clamped and a bald-headed man is pissing on me in the bath. I knew that would get your attention. Mardi, le 27 janvier.
I have some wonderfully fascinating ex-boyfriends. Let's call them A1, A2, A3 and A4. We talk about sex all the time. A2 was telling me about his new girlfriend who is into latex. My parents wouldn't be very happy if they knew what I did for a living. I went to see them in Yorkshire last week and we went for a walk before watching Countdown on the television. Mardi, le 9 mars. My publisher tells me the book needs more smut. Anal sex is the new oral. My friends have been doing it for years and I scarcely raise an eyebrow when a client asks for it.
Lundi, le 22 mars. Went shopping for lingerie with A3. I love buying knickers. Even call girls have their favourites.
Had dinner with A4, and my latest lover, The Boy, walked into the same restaurant. The Boy repeatedly told me he loved me. Our relationship is over. Jeudi, le 8 avril.
I can tell you're waiting for me to say something profound. I don't have any difficult feelings about being a prostitute. I'm just as happy fucking an ugly stranger as I am a handsome lover. The only difference is that I never come with my clients, even when I'm being fisted. Dimanche, le 2 mai. Sometimes I lie about my age to clients.
Sometimes I even lie to my friends. I guess you must be wondering whether I'm lying now. Mercredi, le 16 juin. The clients prefer it and it's much better for lesbian sex. A4 asked for a threesome when I mentioned this.
Samedi, le 26 juin. The madam has been giving me less work, but I don't mind because I never mind about anything. A client told me he didn't pay me for sex. He paid me to go away. I wonder if book buyers have the same attitude.