Here's how to make post-baby sex the best sex of your life. Many of the thoughts running through my head in the moments leading up to the blessed event were also the same: We are definitely keeping the lights off. OMG, what if I get pregnant?!
Perhaps more so—since my first time ever didn't come with a side of gigantic, painful, milk-filled boobs. My anxiety was not unique, of course. While my friend Lisa was being discharged from the hospital, the doctor dropped by to check on her and deliver the "nothing in the vagina for six weeks" spiel. On the way home in the car, her husband mumbled, " Six months without sex is a long time. The very thought of sex can be daunting when you just had a human come out of your body.
But while getting it on may now be the last thing on your mind, that won't be the case forever. You will have good sex again, and knowing these truths can make reentry sorry, couldn't resist more pleasurable for everyone. It's probably not going to feel so good at first. One friend referred to her first time postbaby as a blowtorch going where the sun don't shine. And she had a C-section. Yes, even if your nether regions weren't harmed in the delivery of your baby, postpartum hormones can cause trouble down there.
Estrogen levels drop right after giving birth and remain low while breastfeeding. The top three suggestions from the moms I spoke with: There's a good reason you're not into it.
Lack of sleep, a changing dynamic between you and your partner, and perhaps some body image issues as you realize that belly ain't gonna flatten itself: If you're breastfeeding, even mother nature is working against you. Patients are always relieved to find out there's a reason they're not as into sex.
I didn't breastfeed my younger two, and the return to a sex life was much more seamless and painless than it was with my first, whom I nursed. Some of that was because it wasn't my first rodeo, but I know it also had to do with hormones—and my body being "mine" again much sooner.
Things may change a little down there. When I posed the " what changes about sex after baby? Yes, depending on your age and how many children you've had, there may be a little more, um, wiggle room. Booth, "even a woman who had a C-section can be affected, because the hormones of pregnancy widen the pelvic rim. If the thought of doing Kegels literally makes you cringe I'm cringing now , try Pilates: Sex is even more important now. Not surprisingly, they weren't getting along too well.
We all gasped and told her to go home and throw the poor guy a bone. Did I mention we don't actually read books anymore in my book club? The fact is, you won't have as much time to linger over dinner or go out for elaborate dates, so sex can be the thing to remind you that you're on the same team—and still more than just Mom and Dad. Also, let's be honest, it puts everyone in a better mood.
And by that I mean they change more diapers and do more dishes! Quickies are your new best friend. Knowing that it doesn't have to be a long drawn-out session is a lovely grown-up fact. Foreplay in my house is usually one of us saying, "Want to have sex? In other words, don't let your mind drift to what time the baby ate last, or whether you wrote a thank you note to your Aunt Kathy for the sleep sack she sent. And think outside the bed, says Marie, a mother of three.
Afternoons really can be delightful. My mom came to visit last week, and when she took the boys out for a walk, my husband and I promptly got busy, just like the good old days!
It may actually be better than you think. I know a lot of women who say they enjoy sex more now than they did before they were parents. That may seem hard to believe, given, well, everything you've just read, but as a mother myself, I know it to be true. Childbirth can also shift our internal parts into just the right place, to make them more sensitive to stimulation.
You will want it again. Just like you will sleep again and you will go out with friends again and even be up for giving birth again, you will want to have sex again.
Similar to how going from zero to one child is the biggest adjustment, returning to sex after the first baby is also the toughest. At a certain point you realize life with kids is always going to be chaotic, and you just have to do certain things, like fooling around, wherever and whenever you can.