Body language occurs continuously and in every social situation making it ubiquitous. This is for good reason. A woman will normally draw out courtship in order to solidify the bond between herself and a man. The more time a man spends on the chase, she thinks, the more time he will spend raising her children.
Thus, for the most part, the more she runs, the better off she will be. This is why we often see mixed and confounded signals which can be particularly frustrating if you are not aware of their purpose. The next time you are in a social setting, have a look around and really bring to consciousness what is going on.
Some couples will no doubt be close together, while others will have a few paces between them. Others yet will be practically on top of each other. What does this proximity mean? Even deeper than this runs the gestures they make toward one another. Our conscious mind is able to plan and manipulate and is hence deceitful.
If you are following along, you are also putting two and two together. As you learn about body language you are moving it from your subconscious mind to your conscious mind, meaning you can now plan your body language and use it however you see fit. Ignoring specific cues given off by the opposite sex is a sure way to embarrassment. Reading women incorrectly is fairly easy if you do not catalogue all cues they give off. Some researchers put the level of nonverbal communication as high as 80 percent of all communication.
More reasonably it could be at around percent. He found that only 7 percent of communication comes from spoken words, 38 percent is from the tone of the voice, and 55 percent comes from body language. Throughout the book, I realize that I speak mainly in terms of what I find useful as a man with respect to reading women, but that is only because I show my true bias.
The tools contained within, however, are still very useful and practical for women. By knowing the meanings of the cues, women can better control the outcomes of specific situations. If, for example, a woman really enjoys the company of a particular man and wants to push the relationship forward, she should know the proper signals by which to make this happen.
On the other hand, if a woman is disinterested or finds herself in a situation where an advance is unwanted, she will be armed with the knowledge of what cues to deliver to thwart the advance.
A woman who is perhaps careless with her gestures, may give off particularly confusing cues to a man. A confused man is never a good thing! If he is interested in you, then more often than not, he will continue to pursue. With the knowledge of nonverbal communication, women can give specific and accurate cues to others.
Another useful way to appreciate how body language works and to make it appear more logical in our minds is to picture specific body language poses as they would appear if the person were nude.
This is especially important since the cues have evolved under these circumstances. For example, take legs crossed versus uncrossed. How would legs spread wide open appear on a woman?
How about on a man? What about a person with their legs uncrossed with their hands up behind their head slouched down in a chair? This would most certainly come across as a dominant and an in-your-face kind of posture.
Now imagine this very same posture coming from an arrogant boss if he was completely nude with his genitals fully exposed! While our clothing masks some of the offensiveness of these postures, the meaning is still relevant.
A bit of caution is in order here. Keep the information in this book to yourself. The first rule of body language is: This type of thing is better left unsaid. I made the mistake of telling a bunch of intoxicated people that I was doing some reading on body language. Everyone immediately stopped talking and they sat in silence doing nothing.
They knew that I could read them but they did not want to be read. They wanted to keep their thoughts and emotions to themselves. It is very likely the best tool that exists for accurately reading people, even more accurate than outright asking them their thoughts.
It is well known that people tend to lie. We lie for various reasons, be it to avoid offending someone, to avoid the hurt of rejection, or simply because we have not yet brought our true feelings to consciousness. I hope you have as much fun reading this book as I have had writing it and I do hope you will tell your friends goods things about the sections to follow and help The Body Language Project grow so that we can bring you future publications and resources!
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