Elizabeth Segran , Kimberly Truong Photo: You know how it goes. You're chatting with some guy on Tinder, wondering if things will progress to a real date, and then, bam, there it is: This happened to Kate, 26, a publicist in Boston who used Match. Advertisement Acording to a recent Match. That's the same device I use to communicate with my parents and my cute little nephew.
I couldn't get off those dating platforms fast enough. Dating-site studies tend not to provide data about unsolicited versus solicited pictures, but anecdotally, it's safe to say that a lot of those pics were unwelcome. This is someone who lobs a dick pic your way without ever having received any indication that this would be welcome. At its worst, this is sexual harassment. At its best, it's a bummer — since it means you wasted your time chatting with a jerk.
Many were willing to engage in a candid, thoughtful discussion about their motivations. Read on to hear their side of the story. Advertisement This article was originally published on October 7, , and has been updated throughout. A few candid guys looked back at their behavior and were willing to acknowledge that sending an unsolicited dick pic was a way to assert their power by making a woman squirm.
It's the epitome of your masculinity; it's what makes you a man — what good am I but it? After a while, women on these sites aren't people with feelings; they're just thousands of profiles who all seem to dislike you for completely unknown reasons.
Dick pics are, I think, a very specific form of this harassment — probably from guys who are more on the narcissistic side and perhaps overly confident about their bodies The end goal of this little game is to elicit some kind of reaction — good, bad, or otherwise.
They want to see how uncomfortable they can make a woman. These kinds of guys just want a response, so I recommend just not responding — and blocking them, rather than retaliating in some way They think you want a dick pic, even if you didn't ask for one.
Many of the guys I talked to expressed basic confusion over how to know whether a woman wants a dick pic. If she asks you for a dick pic, she wants one.
Apparently, guys blame porn for this lack of clarity: They watch a lot of porn on their laptops, smartphones and tablets — the very same devices they use to meet women online — and claim to conflate these two visual and sexually charged online modalities.
Gerry, a year-old from Frederick, Maryland, said: So, why are women so offended by a random dick pic? With the increased accessibility of porn and the simultaneous ease of communicating with people digitally, some guys think it is totally normal to send dick pics.
Nudity has become so pedestrian. If a woman saw a flasher on the street, she would immediately call the police. Some guys actually believe they are being thoughtful.
In what is basically a massive failure of the imagination, these guys assume that you will truly appreciate that unsolicited dick pic — because, after all, there is nothing they would love more than to receive an an unexpected, naked picture of a woman. Why don't women like pictures of penises? I don't get it. Men also seem to feel somewhat disconnected from their penis.
Men seem to be able to separate sex from emotion more easily. I counsel couples who are experiencing sexual difficulties, and a lot of the time guys are so focused on physicality and they neglect the emotional aspect of the relationship. The bottom line is that guys need to stop thinking with their penis on online dating sites and learn to entice women with their brains.
They think they'll get a pic from you in return. Sometimes, the rationale for un-requested dick-pic-sending is something more aggressive. A few of the guys I spoke to explained it as an act of coercion — the online equivalent of the misguided belief that if you buy a woman a drink at a bar, she "owes" you something sexual in return.
Billy, 23, from Syracuse, NY, was succinct: Will she send a picture of her boobs? Some do it because they feel pressure. A number of women are actually okay with unsolicited dick pics and respond encouragingly when they receive one.
These women who are totally entitled to like what they like! If you show your penis to women Jonathan Alpert said that the numbers game might work if guys really cast a wide net: From my experience, a few do — but they are in the very small minority.
It also depends on the type of site you are on. A lot of the mainstream sites are not all about sex, so you cannot expect it to go over well.
In fact, there are even whole Instagram accounts devoted to publicly shaming these men. Tweten explained in a post for Ms.