They made such a big deal of it. When, a few years back, Jon Bon Jovi trimmed his hair back from a ridiculous Dave Lee Roth poodle cut to a sleek male model bob, the press acted like it was a world event that really put Bosnia in its place. This is patently untrue. From Cleopatra to Monroe to Cindy Crawford, female sex symbols have always been analysed, biographised and slapped on the cover ofTime.
Beautiful men get the worst of both worlds. I sit around all day, bored out of my mind, waiting for the show. As his magnum-packing, ex counter-KGB security guard watches over him, he picks half-heartedly at a piece of mango. Jon flicks absently through a British music mag listing the Top 50 albums of last year.
Claudia Schiffer is Robowoman. Tired and emotional boy that he is, Jon seems to be most at ease when talking about sex. Here you go, take this with you! No conquest, no throwing her down on the bed and giving her a good pounding. He starts to tell me more but gets distracted. When I think back to how rotten I was at sex then, I could kick myself. Now, boy could I make up for lost time.
Jon lifts the peak of his baseball cap an inch and glances furtively over his shoulder. Is Anne Bancroft here? But, according to the security guard, the three chublets in their nasty trunks are Russian mobsters.
You just see these little fat guys in bathing suits that nobody should be allowed to wear. What do we know? The Russians are a lot meaner than the Italians because their freedom is so recent.
I glare at him. Now Jon Bon Jovi is a top pop star, one of the biggest in the world. Incidentally, Nelson Mandela has asked Jon and his judo-champ wife, Dorothea, if they would care to meet him for tea the next day.
A funny position for a boy from New Jersey to be in. I had an album selling a million a month. It was so inconceivable, it was funny to us.
I never knew a kid that blew their head off. I grew up in a better time, a better place. Family still means everything to me. The show is blinding. Lay Your Hands On Me!!! He, as they used to say of Liz Taylor, is not on speaking terms with good taste.
Whenever I had a job in an auto parts store or a fast-food restaurant, I was happy. In the next town, you had a paint factory or a brick making factory or you joined the navy and that was how people got out. I just got out a different way. As fireworks burst in the sky, Bon Jovi quit the stage and limo back to the hotel with the help of an eight police car escort. South Africa not a country that has any real problems, then?
I ride in the front car, getting whiplash as we hit mph. Back at hotel posho, the band and crew celebrate in a massive suite equipped with a hi-tech CD system and endless champagne.
Jon, barefoot and drained, meets and greets like a trouper, but is getting progressively more drunk, until he becomes quite maudlin and has to sit down. I like to write ballads, I truly do.
Is there anything wrong with that? I try to cheer him up by asking if he can do a Mick Jagger impression, then wonder if it was a nice thing to ask since his entire career has been an impression of Mick Jagger.
Damn good one, though. My pubic hair is natural though. Jon Bon Jovi made me Hoover. I decided to tidy up anyway. Have you enjoyed living in London these past months? Here, every night was something else - books, movies, culture.
I would live here. But it still comes off as a small town compared to New York. The kids can walk to school and girls can walk through the park at night.
Were you here when Dunblane happened? I would be happy to go to jail for the rest of my life, knowing that I got to be the one to blow his head off. He was actually very nice. She seemed really sweet and bright and he was just unbearable to her. He came over as really misogynistic. I heard he was really mean to her.
Apparently she flew in, got right off the plane, went there and he just slammed her. The week before we were having the best time in the world with the guy, so it was really strange. He was very humble with us. He told me quite intimate stories about himself, about how much he admires Letterman and Carson.
He just genuinely wants to be like them. Are you a good actor? But that was the best I could be at that time. And birds might fly out of my butt. In Moonlight And Valentino, a female buddy flick, your character is the token male bimbo. Is that how you get treated in real life? I hate that whole sex symbol thing. But Cindy Crawford is a model and she gets taken more seriously than you do. I remember ten years ago when we were on the cover ofRolling Stone, the journalist just wanted to talk about my hair.
It broke my heart. I was distraught at the time. Are you into the Beat writers? We went to go pick a fight, to chase our heroes and to do what they did. The Leading Man is an arty, left-of-centre film. Some guys do them great. Of the three action heroes - him, Arnie and Sly - he had the least going for him physically. Arnold is a superhuman; Rocky is superhuman. And Bruce looks like Homer Simpson?
He just does what interests him. How successful do you think Moonlight is? It definitely has holes in it. Everyone knows that pop stars want to act and actors want to be pop stars. Do you rate Bruce Willis as a musician? I have to look at him as someone who just wants to broaden who he is.
I know how to do that. I need a challenge, I need something to get me off. What was the last thing that did that for you? The band gets me off. Does it embarrass you? But there are only a handful of bands that can fill a stadium. We are in a very fortunate position. I guess our commercial success came quicker than his.
I remember listening to punk in the basement with my friends. This kid with the fake English accent. Any opinion of Oasis?
Their voice is still too Beatles.