American Operations at ONO https: The other part of me wants to free my secret that has been buried within for most of my life. I grew up in a tight-knit Zionic intentional community called Harvest Hills. Contained within the community were futuristic, experimental Terra-Domes and dome homes that looked like they belonged on the set of Star Wars.
But I lived in an RLDS community for my entire childhood, surrounded by both religious zealots and well-meaning Christians. Sex, cigaretttes and booze were all taboo in Harvest Hills. My grandmother, a firm RLDS believer, thought that dancing was the work of the devil. In Harvest Hills, I had sex when I was 8 years old with a boy who was also 8 years old. It took place in his bedroom at his house.
The definition of sex for this story: All he did was stick his thing into my thing while we were standing up, with our pants down. I remember the sensation felt good. We ended up having sex with each other because of a dare. I was a shy child, easily influenced by others.
It must have looked incredibly freaky and disturbing. My body was shocked and filled with shame, horror and regret. I was made to feel like I had committed a crime. It was one of the worst moments in my childhood. Every day after the event, my friends teased me relentlessly at school and at home in Harvest Hills. They called me bad names and terrorized me by singing a tormenting song. Every day they insinuated that I was a whore. That was the beginning of my sexual schizophrenia.
In my child mind, having sex was equated with being evil, dirty and hideous. Having sex caused me enormous amount of pain in the form of bullying. Also, from this moment on, my brain connected having pleasurable sensations with evil, guilty feelings.
My sexual neurosis was in full bloom by the time I reached puberty. I also became terrified of toilet seats and swimming pools because I thought I could be impregnated by them.
It never crashed, but as I took the crash position, I prayed never again to get on airplanes for silly reasons. Stellabelle is the pseudonym for Leah Stephens. She just finished her first book of non-fiction, Un-Crap Your Life.