Some people are heterosexual; others are homosexual or bisexual. Some people are into a fetish or kink; others are relatively "vanilla. That's the way it is, that's who we are and there is nothing inherently right or wrong with any of it. As long as your sexual behavior or lack of it isn't illegal, affecting your self-esteem, troubling to your relationship or leading to negative life consequences, why worry?
People who are having a lot of sex are usually pretty OK with that. Typically, they only worry about things if they are sexually addicted and their carnal compulsivity is causing problems. Frankly, most couples who worry about frequency of sex tend to fear their frequency is significantly below the curve, so to speak.
This is especially true for couples who qualify as "sexless. About 15 to 20 percent of long-term couples fall into this category. This may or may not be an issue, depending on the couple. Some couples, especially older pairs who've been together a long time, are perfectly fine with once or twice a year or even not at all, thank you very much. Not having sex doesn't mean these couples aren't deeply in love, monogamously committed and happy together.
It just means that sex isn't as high a priority for them as it is for some of their friends, neighbors or people they see on TV and in the movies. That said, many couples do find infrequent sex to be an issue. In fact, numerous studies have shown that lack of sex corresponds directly with marital instability and thoughts of leaving a relationship. Sometimes one person's sex drive just doesn't match his or her partner's sex drive.
This issue often arises in couples counseling. Sometimes both partners want to be sexual, but one or both is not interested in sex with his or her spouse.
This can be caused by any number of factors, including lingering resentments, lack of emotional intimacy, diminished physical attraction, differing sexual interests, etc.
Lack of sexual interest may also be the result of an underlying psychological condition such as depression, anxiety, drug or alcohol addiction, a behavioral addiction, low self-esteem, unresolved childhood trauma, an attachment deficit disorder, etc. And there is always the possibility that one partner may be having an affair. If a person is getting his or her sexual needs met on the side with regular porn use or in-vivo , he or she is likely to be less interested in sex at home.
Should You Be Worried? Happily, less sex does not automatically equate to less love, happiness and fulfillment. For most couples, especially those who've been together for a number of years, companionship, reliability and a sense of mutual trust are far more meaningful than a lot of hot, sweaty sex.
Sure, there are couples out there who've been married for 30 years who're still hot for each other, and good for them. For the rest of us, our libidos tend to droop in tandem with our aging body parts. Diminishing hormone levels, the aging process and the distractions of life tend to lower our sex drives and our ability to perform , and there's not a whole lot we can do about it. Of course, if you and your partner have gone several weeks or even months without sex and the lack of activity is troubling you, you may want to consider some changes.
Usually a little bit of effort is enough to revive a flagging sex life, especially if the emotional connection between you and your partner remains strong. Often in such cases the real issue is that things have gone a little stale. If you find that to be the case in your relationship, try one or more of the following tips: Sure, this sounds horribly unromantic, but really it's quite the opposite. Setting aside and committing to a time to be emotionally and physically intimate gives you and your partner something to look forward to.
Plan a relaxing shower and mutual massage as part of foreplay. After all, who doesn't look forward to a massage? Couples who search together for the right scent of massage oil are off to a great start. Perhaps you've always had that special secret fantasy, but you've never mentioned it or acted on it. Now is the time to talk about it with your partner. Who knows, maybe he or she is willing to try it. And be sure to ask about his or her secret fantasy.
It might be a turn-on for you, too. Just make sure that if you both say yes, you really mean to say yes. If you've always done it in the bedroom, try the kitchen, or a hotel, or a cruise ship, or a cabin in the woods. It's amazing what a little change of venue can do for a stale sex life. Many couples take frequent weekends or holidays just for this purpose. Give your partner a gift "just because. Plan a surprise date that involves an activity you know your partner enjoys even if it's not your favorite thing to do.
Take your art-lover wife to a museum, your sports-junkie husband to a pro football game. It is also important to recognize that you and your partner can be physically intimate without actually having sex. Holding hands, looking into each other's eyes, cuddling, spooning, massage and just taking the time to listen to your loved one's feelings can all serve to build emotional closeness.
Plus, all of the above are terrific forms of sexual foreplay should you wish to go all the way. It is wise to rule out any potential physical or medical problems before considering relationship-based or psychological issues. If the problem is physical- - erectile dysfunction, for instance -- medication may help.
These caring professionals can be found via websites like www. The most important thing to remember here is that sex is not the be-all, end-all in relationships. Yes, it is a healthy way for couples to bond emotionally. As such, a regular sex life can be an important contributor to overall health and happiness. That said, non-genital touch, massage, hugs, holding, talking and emotional intimacy are every bit as effective as sex in terms of developing closeness and relationship trust.
They just come without any fireworks at the end. As long as both partners in a relationship are open about their feelings and physical needs and both are satisfied with the frequency and quality of their sexuality, the couple can not only survive, but thrive.