Years later, their relationship almost fell apart when she discovered that Adi had an Ashley Madison profile and was a sex addict. Years later, their relationship almost fell apart when she discovered a web of lies that concealed the truth: Adi was a sex addict, and he needed help.
Here, Sophie explains how she came to terms with the issue that threatened to end their relationship — and how it made them a stronger couple in the end.
The beginning of our love story My husband and I met at university in He was in his first year as a Ph. We took the same neuroscience course, began studying together, and both started crushing on each other.
I made sure to get in his study group, he would always walk me to my next class, and we were constantly texting. To me, that was inspiring and hopeful. Then, two years into our relationship, Adi cheated on me. He was honest with me about it, and I broke up with him on the spot. I travelled to Guatemala, Cambodia, and Thailand, volunteered as a yoga and English teacher for children, and did a ton of soul-searching.
Tell me if I should go away forever or if I have a chance. We needed serious help from a third party who was trained for these situations. We stuck to our agreement and started seeing a therapist soon after we were engaged. David Duchovny plays sex addict Hank in Californication.
One day, we were on our way to temple, and I found inappropriate text messages between him and other women. He was saying things like how he wanted to hook up with them and exactly what he wanted to do to them. When I found the text messages, he fell apart. Adi had an account on Ashley Madison, a website for married people who want to cheat on their spouses. He was using a secret name and email account to exchange sexy letters and nude photos with people. How can I believe anything he says when it keeps getting worse?
We were only four months into our marriage, and I took my ring off. Adi decided to go to an outpatient rehab program for sex addiction. He did that outpatient program for multiple hours three to four days a week and was still seeing a private therapist.
Something about seeing him do so much to work on himself made feel like perhaps we still had a chance. We found a support group, which turned out to be incredibly healing thing for me. Every Sunday night, we would get together with other couples dealing with sex addiction, have dinner, then a meeting. It was a very wholesome, kind, loving environment that clicked for both of us.
Mending our relationship That first year of our marriage was the most transformational for us. I was working on myself, too. When I first found out about all the sexting back when we were engaged, I looked at it as Adi having a problem he needed to fix on his own. We really had to go back to basics.
We did work in so many different ways, like yoga, mindfulness, couples therapy, and talk therapy. All of these practices helped us figure out what our problems really were, what was missing from his life, and what characteristic made him want to fill that space with sexual attention.
At its core, his sex addiction was an escape from intimacy. So when he felt uncomfortable in intimate situations — not just with me, but in life — he would turn to an escape. For a long time, when he was a dealer and an addict, it was drugs. Then, he went to jail and rehab and had become sober, and he started turning to women instead.
It was less about actually hooking up with any of them and more about the intrigue, the process of the chase, and the validation of a woman wanting him. I have not a single grain of fear for the future of our relationship. Every day, I trust him more. I never look at his phone, and we no longer need those really strict boundaries of him not having female friends or going out with co-workers. At first, most of my family turned him into the enemy when they found out, but when I explained that we had a plan and that I believed in him, they slowly but surely came around.
You have to create your tribe, and this experience helped me realise who was really on my side. Sometimes we have sex three or four times a week; other times just once. During his addiction period, we only had sex once or twice a month.
Before, if Adi would have ever suggested trying anything different, my mind would immediately have gone into this horrible downward spiral of insecurity and wondering why he wanted to do it. Instead, I just think that my husband wants to try something new with me. I could have and probably would have, but I saw a willingness to change in Adi. One of the most inspiring things about this man is that he was a drug addict and dealer who went to jail, got out, and turned his life around.
He went to one of the best Ph. It took two years of honest, hard, exhausting, gruelling work, but we came out on the other side. This article originally appeared on The New York Post.