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I do not have Steve. There is no having of the Steve. No, we're just friends. I don't put my dick in you. I'm pretty, and smart! I've been dating since I was fifteen! Who, the White Knight? That only happens in fairy tales.
I lost my Choo! I figured we made a good match. I was adept at fashion; he was adept at politics. And really, what's the difference? They're both about recycling shop-worn ideas and making them seem fresh and inspiring. I can't believe you're dating a politician. You're not even registered to vote! It's the undecideds they're really after.
I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties. I can only stay a few minutes. I got tickets to the Vagina Monologues. Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials. There are very few things this New Yorker loves as much as Sunday brunch. You can sleep until noon and still get eggs anywhere in the city, alcohol is often included with the meal, and Sunday is the one day a week you get the single woman's sports pages: I love how they say "until recently, the bride [worked].
Yeah, meaning she quit her job as soon as she found her soul-mate-slash-investment-banker. You know who these women marry? The roman numeral guys. I find the higher the number the worse the sex.
I went out with somebody the third who couldn't even get it up. Do you have a rolling pin? Are you kidding me? I use my oven for storage. I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. What's in your goodie drawer? Robert's Rules of Order? I don't have a goodie drawer. Oh, everybody has a goodie drawer. I have a goodie closet! You know, women dressing like men is very popular right now. And here I thought it was Pokemon.
I once dated a guy who liked to wear my underwear but I've never gone the other way. See, when you're gay, everyone can wear everyone's underwear. Carrie, about her date: He's not that young. His generation has a totally different letter than ours. Sean, who's ice skating with Carrie: I'm guessing it's easier to balance when you're not smoking. Smoking is the only thing that keeps me balanced. I could've told you that, sweetie.
He took you ice skating for god's sake! I'll try anything once. I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to gaytown. Isn't that next to Ricky Martin-ville? Samantha is rude and politically incorrect. She's an equal opportunity offender. Charlotte, on her date who's a very bad kisser: He raped my face!
I'm never seeing him again! Adeena, I'm a lovely woman. At least get to know me, then hate me. Do you think I'm a whore? Oh please, if you're a whore, what does that make me? I can't tonight, I have chlamydia. It's like a Danielle Steele novel in here! From a writer, I'm pretty sure that's an insult. They practically chased me with torches like I was Fuckenstein! I realized I was in the throes of an existential crisis. Steve is completely predictable but that's one of the things I love about him.
He's just so comfortable and safe. Are you dating a man or a minivan? From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is. I just don't get it.
Why do men get skidmarks? Is it laziness or are they just in a rush? I don't know, but whatever it is it goes hand in hand with urinating on the seat. I tell you one thing: You kept all of your great single friends away from me just so you could cheat on your wife?
You should be ashamed of yourself! You're such a spark plug! I love that about you! I am not interested in starting some married man's car! So you're "everything but" girl. I like to think of it as "kissing with extras. How very ninth grade of you. Did you know I read that if you don't have sex for a year, you can actually become re-virginized? And, I would imagine, quite frisky.
How old were you [when you lost your virginity]? His smelly rec room. Half a joint, three thrusts, finito. On the plus side, people start to give up their seats for you on the bus.
Charlotte, looking at a catalog: Honey, my vagina waits for no man. Oh come on, I want a baby.