Same sex attraction in married men. I Married a Same-Sex Attracted Man. And I Am Blessed..



Same sex attraction in married men

Same sex attraction in married men

And whilst I am convinced that some people with same sex attraction can and should get married to someone of the opposite sex , Jeremy and others are absolutely right to remind us of the profound damage that can be caused when someone ignores or refuses to be honest about their true sexual feelings and enters into a marriage, hoping that they will become sexually attracted to their spouse after the wedding. Some in the church have colluded with this practice by not challenging it.

The underlying problem in such cases is, ironically, that the church has failed to value sexual desire properly. Sexual desire is not a bad thing! If you are married, you are meant to be attracted to your husband or wife! If you are married you are meant to be attracted to your husband or wife! Of course, our culture completely overestimates the significance of sexual attraction. But it is a crucial and good part of marriage! Whilst sexual attraction is not the only or the most important factor in deciding whether to marry someone, it should certainly be one of the factors.

Any couple considering marriage should be really sure that they are sexually attracted to one another — whether either of them experience same-sex attraction or not. Advice for courting couples where a person experiences same-sex attraction So, some simple and obvious advice to draw from this would be as follows. All married people experience attraction to people to whom they are not married, and of itself same-sex attraction is no more problematic than any other extramarital sexual desire.

But it matters hugely whether you are attracted to your potential spouse or not. Just as a couple will have lots of conversations and spend time together to see if they are compatible, it would seem sensible and healthy to explore appropriate physical affection such as hugging and kissing, within Christian boundaries. I appreciate that people will have different views about where to draw the line. Of course, that is good advice for any couple!

Make sure that your dating, courtship, and engagement are long enough to be sure that your sexual attraction is genuine and deep, and not some kind of blip. My wife had been friends for about three years before we started courting.

That helped, because when we started going out, our relationship then underwent a fundamental change. Again, that is advice that could and should be given to any couple.

Advice for married couples where one or both spouses experience same sex attraction I would add a couple of other things as advice for someone once they were married. When things are hidden away, they exert far more power over us than when they are gently brought into the light. This does not mean that you need to gratify them! Christian psychologist William Kraft argues that whilst it is of course right to avoid situations which place us in temptation, that is not the same as seeking to ignore or deny your feelings, which is dangerous.

Feelings can be accepted and brought to God, even whilst you choose not to act on them. So, there is all the difference in the world between someone who seeks to deny and suppress their ongoing same-sex attraction by getting married, and someone who is fully aware of and accepts it, but who also becomes attracted to and feels called to marry someone of the opposite sex.

These times can be caused by all kinds of different factors my wife and I have several young children — that can certainly put a dampener on things. You might be responsible for some of these factors e. These seasons may not be anything to do with same-sex attraction.

Conclusion Marriage is a difficult and costly calling — just like singleness. But people with same-sex attraction considering marriage will want to take particular care to be sure that they are attracted to their potential spouse — not because same-sex attraction is an inherent barrier to marriage, but because sex is a good and integral feature of marriage.

Within all marriages, people with no same-sex attraction at all experience attraction to people other than their spouses, obviously.

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Same sex attraction in married men

And whilst I am convinced that some people with same sex attraction can and should get married to someone of the opposite sex , Jeremy and others are absolutely right to remind us of the profound damage that can be caused when someone ignores or refuses to be honest about their true sexual feelings and enters into a marriage, hoping that they will become sexually attracted to their spouse after the wedding.

Some in the church have colluded with this practice by not challenging it. The underlying problem in such cases is, ironically, that the church has failed to value sexual desire properly. Sexual desire is not a bad thing! If you are married, you are meant to be attracted to your husband or wife! If you are married you are meant to be attracted to your husband or wife!

Of course, our culture completely overestimates the significance of sexual attraction. But it is a crucial and good part of marriage! Whilst sexual attraction is not the only or the most important factor in deciding whether to marry someone, it should certainly be one of the factors. Any couple considering marriage should be really sure that they are sexually attracted to one another — whether either of them experience same-sex attraction or not. Advice for courting couples where a person experiences same-sex attraction So, some simple and obvious advice to draw from this would be as follows.

All married people experience attraction to people to whom they are not married, and of itself same-sex attraction is no more problematic than any other extramarital sexual desire. But it matters hugely whether you are attracted to your potential spouse or not. Just as a couple will have lots of conversations and spend time together to see if they are compatible, it would seem sensible and healthy to explore appropriate physical affection such as hugging and kissing, within Christian boundaries.

I appreciate that people will have different views about where to draw the line. Of course, that is good advice for any couple! Make sure that your dating, courtship, and engagement are long enough to be sure that your sexual attraction is genuine and deep, and not some kind of blip. My wife had been friends for about three years before we started courting. That helped, because when we started going out, our relationship then underwent a fundamental change. Again, that is advice that could and should be given to any couple.

Advice for married couples where one or both spouses experience same sex attraction I would add a couple of other things as advice for someone once they were married.

When things are hidden away, they exert far more power over us than when they are gently brought into the light. This does not mean that you need to gratify them! Christian psychologist William Kraft argues that whilst it is of course right to avoid situations which place us in temptation, that is not the same as seeking to ignore or deny your feelings, which is dangerous.

Feelings can be accepted and brought to God, even whilst you choose not to act on them. So, there is all the difference in the world between someone who seeks to deny and suppress their ongoing same-sex attraction by getting married, and someone who is fully aware of and accepts it, but who also becomes attracted to and feels called to marry someone of the opposite sex.

These times can be caused by all kinds of different factors my wife and I have several young children — that can certainly put a dampener on things.

You might be responsible for some of these factors e. These seasons may not be anything to do with same-sex attraction. Conclusion Marriage is a difficult and costly calling — just like singleness. But people with same-sex attraction considering marriage will want to take particular care to be sure that they are attracted to their potential spouse — not because same-sex attraction is an inherent barrier to marriage, but because sex is a good and integral feature of marriage.

Within all marriages, people with no same-sex attraction at all experience attraction to people other than their spouses, obviously.

Same sex attraction in married men

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