Valerie Golden Mate poaching is a robust phenomenon, and it is here to stay. When single women see a moderately attractive male, they are more interested in him if they believe he is already in a relationship! In fact, one sizable study found 90 percent of single women were interested in a man who they believed was taken, while a mere 59 percent wanted him when told he was single.
Take Lisa, a young, attractive, smart, successful woman from a major metropolitan area. She professed to want marriage and kids, desperately. So why did she waste precious time with Adam, a married father of two who never had any real intention of leaving his wife?
And when they first met, was she really scanning the room for tall, dark, and handsome, or was she actually looking for married with romance sans responsibility? Is it because a man who is already taken is more experienced?
Is he seen as able to commit? Is he more desirable because another woman has pre-screened him while still single men are unknown commodities? If someone else wants him, he must be worth wanting. There is no simple answer. Remember, too, that some traditional types may want happily-ever-afters of emotional availability and financial security, while others may be after less than the full enchilada of marriage and children. Nor can respect, availability, spending holidays and family time together, or being his first priority.
So why do it? Because for some single women, a relationship with a man who is married gives you breathing room. You are not accountable to him if you want to see a male friend or past lover. Plus, sneaking around has its thrills. The need to be secretive, sneak around undiscovered, grabbing quick sexual encounters on the fly, can be a huge turn-on in comparison to a dinner date with a single man who calls on Wednesday night for Friday.
Some women may have decided never to trust a man. The logic goes something like this: The hotter her rival, the hotter she is, the more she feels superior to the wife in terms of having the goods that men want.
For these women, feeling superior has less to do with the man in question and how desirable he is, and more to do with being more powerful than and superior to the other woman.
If he were to actually leave his wife or partner to make this relationship permanent, brace yourself for a nosedive. How do they do it? Mate poachers, whether they want commitment or just sex, have a range of tactics, from dissing the current partner e.
We may not like the tactics, but sometimes they work and successfully e. So what can the wife do? Take these insights and understandings home. Maybe even start an affair with the husband you have. You just might discover a competitive streak you never knew you had.