Having Sex With a Transsexual Woman: In this article, I am going to speak frankly to men about making love with the transsexual female. Why a sex article?
This site is about trans women and relationships with men. In most relationships, sex plays a major role. This information has been gathered from many sources. I have solicited comment from many on the various aspects of sex with the transsexual woman, and of course have drawn from my own experience as well. If you don't wish to read such material, hit your browser's back button now. Also, sexual slang is liberally used in this article.
After all, it's written to educate and inform the average guy, not university professors, so be ready for it.
I'm not going to discuss how to initially seduce a TS or entice one into having sex. We're making the assumption that both have already decided to yank off their clothes while dashing madly to the bedroom. And so here we go. Let's dispel one myth right away. Women are generally not the aggressors in bed. Women want to be "taken," they usually aren't the ones to initiate sex by pulling their men into the bedroom. There's plenty of anecdotal evidence to support this notion. Check out the covers of romance novels in any bookstore, for example.
Look into a woman's eyes -- notice how they draw you in? If you're a "bottom" male hoping that a pre-op or non-op transsexual will bend you over and fuck you, well you can forget about it. Women, transsexual or otherwise, generally do not want to fuck you. They want you to fuck them. As a TS lady friend expressed it to me recently, "Women receive, they do not project. That is mostly what they specialize in. If paying for a romp in bed isn't your style, it is very doubtful you will find it anywhere else in the TS community.
Cross dressers, however, are a different matter. These are not women, they are men enjoying a dress-up fetishistic fantasy. You may find what you want with one of them. Initial thoughts she's having. If this is her first time making love as a woman, she's probably terrified. If she's pre-op, she's worried that you might want to play with that yucky male appendage that she hasn't yet converted into a vagina.
She may not want you to touch it at all. If she responds with an erection, she may be very embarrassed, and also very conflicted. How many women want to respond like a male? If she's like most pre-ops, she would prefer that you pretend it doesn't exist. She's done the orifice inventory. She knows you want more than just a hand job. If she's never put her mouth on a man's organ before, she's no doubt wondering what that will feel and taste like, whether she will gag or worse , and she's hoping that you're very clean.
Dude, if you haven't showered in a couple days, get it done immediately. And make sure you're squeaky clean before every sexual encounter.
And clip your nails, too. Is she newly post-op or new to vaginal intercourse? She may be concerned about how tight she is. It takes time and experience for that vaginal opening and canal to loosen up. She may be concerned that she's so tight that it will be painful for you. If you have a very long or thick penis, she may be worried about being able to take you at all. If she's new at giving blowjobs, she's probably hoping she won't appear incompetent at it, bite you, or inadvertently snag your shaft on a tooth.
If she's never been butt fucked before, she no doubt wonders how painful it will be. She's probably wondering if you've passed a recent test for sexually transmitted diseases, including but not limited to HIV. Go get it done and hang on to any documentation provided by the testing center. She's probably wondering whether you will be willing to practice safe sex.
If for no other reason than to help her relax, be prepared to do so. She does not want to ruin the mood by having to argue with you about it, and she certainly doesn't want to risk catching a serious disease.
In short, the TS new to sex as a woman may very well be worried or frightened. Bisexual men and the transsexual woman. I believe the majority of men interested in TS's are bi to some degree. Heterosexual transwomen generally want what GG's want: A straight man, a guy who appreciates them for who they are, not for their genitals.
TS's typically don't want to be involved with bi guys. They often cite a few reasons for this: Bi men are attracted to the penis, an appendage they would love to convert into a vagina.
He only wants a chick with a dick. She wonders if he will still be interested in her once she's had sexual reassignment surgery to convert that penis into a vagina. They are concerned that a bi guy will be sneaking around on her to meet with men. As with most issues, there is more than one side to a story. The fact that a transwoman was born male is usually a huge drawback for the strictly heterosexual man.
Most straight men but some are open minded find the idea of intimacy sex, kissing with either a pre- or post-op transsexual to be very unappetizing. Therefore, most transsexuals do not meet many straight men that are prospects for a relationship. As in the section above where some men pursue an unrealistic desire to find a sexually aggressive transsexual to "top" them, many hetero TS's similarly pursue strictly straight men.
They are seemingly unaware of how most of these men regard the prospect dating a girl who was born male, but nevertheless they still hope to fulfill the desire — shared with millions of GG's -- for a straight man. The evidence says this is a difficult path.
I'm speaking to the ladies here: The TS who keeps her transsexuality secret until significantly into a new relationship with a strictly heterosexual man is at high risk of being verbally abused and immediately dumped when that heterosexual man discovers the truth.
She is also at high risk of physical assault. Let's look at each of the points above from a bi guy's perspective. A male who has had at least some sexual experience with other men is not homophobic. He can handle the fact that you used to be male.
Bi guys are not gay guys. Gay men have no sexual interest in women of any sort. Common statement by GG's: But it is cool if he wants both you and your genitals, no matter what sort they are at the moment. An actual bisexual male is sexually attracted to both genders. If he's romantically interested in you as well, he will probably continue to be so after SRS.
After all, he can "go both ways. Although filmmaker Woody Allen is quoted as saying, "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night," it doesn't mean that a bisexual man will be any sluttier than any other man. There are lots of monogamous gay guys, lots of monogamous bi guys and lots of monogamous straight guys.
Whether someone is monogamous has less to do with sexual orientation than the nature of the individual you're involved with. A monogamous bi partner will not be any more likely to bring home a disease than a monogamous straight partner. Do you know of a marriage where a bisexual woman is monogamous with her husband? For how long have you been searching for a man who can accept the fact you were once male?
This is usually defined as serious foreplay: Stroking her breasts, butt, genital area, and so on. This is one of the minefields mentioned in the opening paragraph. If she's pre-op or non-op and this is your first time playing around with her, it's best to not give any attention to her penis. Because you don't know how she will react. But if you know for a fact that she's cool with you touching it -- and you're also OK with it -- then go ahead.
Stroking her vaginal lips won't release lubricating fluids as with a genetic female, but you can always apply some saliva your fingers to make them slide wetly along the plane of that pussy. Pay attention to her clitoral area. In most cases, as with genetic females, it's an extremely sensitive spot.