Taylor Carson April 22, at 2: If you like or love your partner, but the sex is falling short, we really feel for you.
So, how do you distinguish between sex that is fixable and sex that might be a sign of incompatibility? Before you consider walking away from your relationship, read on. O'Reilly says that it all comes down to how much each of you care about the relationship at hand.
Find out if your partner is unhappy too This is so important. If both you and your partner are unhappy, you may be able to work with each other to improve things.
Conversations like these should be seen as a chance to learn, not just about what your partner wants in bed, but other equally important relationship skills such as joint problem solving, active listening, and mature conflict resolutions.
Approach the situation in a non-judgmental way, but be straight up about how you feel. It allows you the space to learn about each other sexually. It is a common misconception that sex should be effortless with the person you love. Knight reiterates this point. And this is a great thing, according to Knight. In order to have a happy and healthy sex life, you need to put in the effort. So, you need to be able to communicate openly, whether this means sharing your desires, trying new things or compromising.
O'Reilly agrees, and provides three tips of her own for how to communicate with your partner: On the other hand, if the not-so-great sex is happening with a new love interest, you can still try to communicate with him or her about your desires, but it might not always work. For Courtney, a senior at Marist College, her expectations fell short with someone she met and liked studying abroad.
Maybe I was nervous? Start by telling your partner exactly what you want——lots of partners find it extremely sexy when their other half takes control, and for many women, being in the driving seat can be extremely liberating.
Sometimes, it might be necessary to stop talking and start acting. If still nothing changes, then you need to take an honest look at your relationship.
Understand that no one is bad at sex The first few times you have sex with a new partner, it might be a little uncomfortable—and understandably so. After all, you each have your previous experiences, which have influenced your desires in the bedroom. It requires effort to keep things fresh, even with someone you very much love.
According to Knight, you and your partner have probably gotten a little too comfortable with one another. O'Reilly agrees that losing that initial spark is totally normal. These things enable you to spice things up and expand your horizons.
Talk it out, take some space if you need it, and work on finding your flow again. Bear in mind, though, that sex is a crucial part of any relationship. The choice is yours.