Contact Author That First Date You are getting ready to meet that handsome guy you met online or through a close friend for that all-important first date. Feeling excited and a little nervous, you look hard in the mirror and think to yourself: What should I wear?
Does my breath smell? Is my muffin-top showing? This is particularly true for gay men who are new to the dating scene or have been off the market for an extended period of time. After consulting with a number of gay men who were formerly single and now long-term partnered Some of these red flags are obvious. Others are ones you may not have heard before and should not ignore. The list is by no means exhaustive. Not every point here may apply to your situation and is not set in stone.
Think of these as general guidelines as opposed rigid rules. They recently broke up Source 1. He Just Got Out of a Long-Term Relationship This point may seem particularly obvious but the truth is that many gay men fall into the trap of ignoring this red flag. A long term relationship for a gay man can be subjective at best.
As a rule of thumb, 2 years or more is a good yardstick go by, give or take. What is important is this — the amount of time he has been out of his same sex relationship. If he was in a five year relationship and is now out on the market six months after the breakup, he is very likely not going to be emotionally available or emotionally capable of a real relationship again for some time.
Here are some more tips under this point: He tells you he wants a serious relationship remember, he just broke up He is just coming on too strong and acting like you two are a serious couple. If you are out on a real date and you are noticing that the guy you are out with is continually checking out other dudes, flirting or both - it is probably a good indication that this guy is not for you.
There is an off chance that he is trying to impress you by demonstrating how he can attract other people but do you really want to deal with that? And here is another possibility. Instead of manning up and telling you that, he is flirting with other dudes. This point sucks and not something you want to hear but checking out other guys on a first date really is not a good sign for something long term.
Other tips under this red flag during the first date: He keeps going on Facebook or Twitter or some other dating app He talks about how hot another guy is on your first date 3.
He Wants to Go to a Bar Perhaps another obvious warning sign but worth mentioning. The same goes that if after your official first date activity, like a coffee or a dinner, he wants to go to "the bars".. The reason being is that the first date should be about getting to know one another. If he is already needing to go hang out at a bar on your first date, he likely is not ready to focus on you or a relationship. Some may disagree with this point. Some other tips under this red flag: He tells you he meets all of his dates at bars He seems to crave attention and needs an audience Most of his pictures are of him at clubs and yeah He Drinks Too Much Too Fast Obviously, this is a subjective warning sign however, there are tell-tale things that you should be looking for under this red flag.
One of them is the amount of alcohol he is consuming and the speed in which he is doing it. If you notice that he is pounding back glass after glass of wine or some other drink and that he is encouraging you to do the same — run. Same holds true if he shows up at your first date stoned.
Other under this red flag: He wants you to get high with him He talks a lot about how much he "parties" or "parTays" 5. That however does not mean he is ready to start dating. As a general rule of thumb, people in recovery programs, like a step program AA, CMA, NA… are encouraged to stay away from the dating scene for 1-year.
This is not a hard and fast rule but is generally encouraged. The reasons are plentiful but the primary one is that the guy needs to be focusing on his recovery. He's rude and a jerk Source 6. He Is Rude to Wait Staff and Others If the guy you are with on the first date treats wait staff, box office attendants or others disrespectfully or rudely, he is showing his true colors.
He is also demonstrating that he is a jerk and is likely unaware of how uncomfortable his behavior makes you feel. If the guy you are out on a first date with is treating people like crap, how do you think he will treat you down the road? Other tips under this red flag: Seems to have a quick temper and goes off on small stuff Does not say "thank you" or "please" when speaking to you or others Orders people around like he owns the place 7.
And what exactly does "acting straight mean" At its core, it's called internalized homophobia when a gay dude says this. There are many gay men who are masculine and their sexual orientation is not readily obvious. Other points under this red flag: He emphasizes his religious beliefs that are known to be anti-gay.
He wants to hook up He talks too much about himself He name drops He's flirting with other guys He drinks too much See results If you are getting the vibe on your first date that the guy is looking to hook up or otherwise mess around, this may be a fairly good indication that he is really not interested in dating.
This particular point is not to judge but instead, to act as a potential red flag for his agenda. If however the guy you are going out on a date with is going on forever and a day about his life, his job, his car, his family, his dogs …his, his his …. There is likely going to be problems with compatibility. Does he make you feel overly insecure because you feel he is just too good looking to be with you? Does anything about that first date make you experience negative, familiar feelings from the past where you were in a space that was not good for you?
If so, these are important warning signs. Too many get hooked on the look and find themselves in impossible, painful, one-sided and one way relationships. Pay attention to how his physical appearance causes you to feel. Other potential red flags: