Well, I have some hopes for this, as it was directed by Christian McIntire, who has previously done good work in these pages on Lost Voyage and Silent Warnings. Will lightning strike a third time? All I can say is that my dread levels are considerably low for this one. Oh, and there will probably be CGI effects, and they will probably suck, but the intelligence will make up for that. Pretty cool opening credits, with various CGI body parts and animated skeletons, and Lance Henrikson as the name above the title!
He must have liked that. Scotty Clausen wrote it, whoever he is. Robin Givens is in it, and no one else I recognize. They should do a version of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. With Lance Henrikson as Rico. And good old Phillip Roth and Jeffery Beach appear as the producers.
How could it be a UFO film without them? And we open the movie proper at the Russian consulate building in Washington the subtitle says. Sirens blaring, Lance drives up in a little car and gets out and looks world-weary. Well, of course he always looks like that. I wonder what it was like when it was his birthday and he was a little kid opening presents. He would look at them and everyone would think, Oh, he hates it, even though he might have actually been overjoyed.
Lance introduces himself to, and chats with a SWAT team guy. Like most of the Baldwin horde, for example. They would say that joke and look stupid, en masse. So, Lance puts on his FBI jacket and orders the yard perimeter expanded to two miles. And one Russian guy, named Ivan refuses to leave. He pronounces it EeVAN. Lance gets to work. He also speculates on the psychological motives here, in that the bomber wanted the bomb found so he could be thought of as clever or cool. Lance asks the SWAT guy to blow some cigarette smoke into the interior of the bomb, which reveals the network of lasers guarding the mechanisms inside.
One of the mechanisms is a little spinning thing, and Lance says that if this starts going faster then things have taken a turn for the worse. Lance gets a call from airport security, where they may have the bomber. And we see the airport, where a bunch of guys have guns trained on this other guy, who is singing folk songs or something. Lance notes that this is a bad thing, and SWAT guy says the gyroscope in the bomb is spinning faster, and remembers that Lance told him this would be a bad thing, so he shouts this new development to Lance.
Anyway, the Russian guy, Eevan, he closes his eyes and the bomb blows up, and it incinerates several of the fleeing people and blows out the windows of the building and generally ruins it. And Lance is all bummed by this as you can imagine, and he is taking it as a personal failure though, gosh, I thought he did pretty well what with using cigarette smoke and keypads and his general knowledge of bombs.
Sad piano music even plays! Sad chick says in what sounds like a Russian accent that everyone is blaming Lance for the explosion. No one ever blames the guy who had the bomb, you know. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Honestly, when do people who do evil things ever get blamed for those evil things? If you ever see a movie where a character is a Republican Christian Neo-Nazi, you might as well return it to the store because the villain is pretty obvious.
Sorry for digressing, and threatening to turn this review into a charged political debate. Some clown with a Russian accent said that they had over three hours to defuse the bomb how did he know this? Well, there are Concerned Looks all around. You can skip this paragraph. Okay, he may not have been connected with the bomb, in fact, he might have been some random nutcase in a bizarre coincidence. Still, what the hell, people? The bomber actually DID kill people.
Did anyone else note that? Back to the film. Upon hearing that the evidence is top secret, the judge guy asks who ordered this top-secretness?
Lance says he Lance did! Judge guy advises Lance that he should start sending out his resume. Again with the wow. That is almost always a sign of bad things. Not always, just almost always. For example, the recent Bruce Willis film Hostage took the same tack—if I may paraphrase, Lance is good at his job, but he got a bad break and no longer believes in himself.
Hostage did this well, but, if my extraordinary powers of, um, something are right, Antibody got there first. Well, we get a shot of Washington. Goofy says that Folk Singer had some kind of brain implant, which made him do bad stuff like bad singing and thus, the main villain behind it all has not been found! But his cell phone rings, and it is his daughter, and she is with some I suppose hunky yet glasses wearing guy who never says a word while Daughter confirms the plans for the weekend.
One imagines, given that dad is Lance Henriksen, that such plans did not include boyfriends. Not making me happy. She notes that it is the anniversary of the Big Screw Up by Lance, so she asks about hey, maybe a follow up story? And the stupid DVD goes into a broken loop. But, being clever I got around this. Lance is pretty much no-way on a follow up interview thing, and she says she was just doing her job, and he says he was just doing his, yadda yadda.
And we cut to an establishing shot of the National Memorial Hall in Munich according to the subtitle , where Reporter shows up with her cameraman and starts talking background stuff. She notes that one of the speakers is a Theodore Bikel, who recently got an award for his work with nano-technology. Remember, like the detonator the Folk Singer had.
The evil guys inside even have dark glasses on and a really ominous set of background music that arrived when they did. Even Cameraguy thinks this is unwise, but he lowers his unit anyway, and the van drives off ominously. Still, folks inside the van are pissed, because the reporter got a look at the driver.
But he says it will all be over before they have a chance to look at the footage. Up to no good, are we? So two Luciano vans drive off, and we cut inside to some luncheon. The music tells us this is pretty worrisome. She narrates how this guy was instrumental in getting funding for Dr.
Then we get to Reportette signing off, and the Chancellor about to speak. He has a very difficult to understand voice. It seems to be just bland generalities. As he talks, we see Lance and one of his underlings watching several views of the hall on video monitors.
Chef goes into a rampage, so Evil and his Henchmen, tired of being berated by chefs, of all people, shoot everyone in the kitchen. The Chancellor continues but I can barely understand him. Chancellor introduces the Chief Scientist Dr. Theodore Bikel as noted , and the Luciano guys start shooting. Mostly in the air, but they also shoot some waiters and other staff. Maybe they are from a competing restaurant. Geez, Lance, it sure seems like you were asleep at the switch, here. Outside, the Lucianos emerge with their hostages, and they shoot the Chancellor making a dumb joke.
Outside, Evil Guy calls for a camera crew. But she tells him this is the big time so hop to, and he does. Lance springs into action. Who wants to bet she shows up anyway and complicates things? Oh, and the bomb will go off anyway in 18 hours. He goes on to talk about how the detonator works, but basically notes that if he dies, it goes off. Also, X-Rays and stuff like that will set it off too. He pulls out his gun and shoots Camera Guy. Um, despite the fact that they were already there…uh, oh well.
In slow motion, the cops run up and remove his body, and the music goes a bit choral. I was hoping for Lancelot Link, myself. So, Underling and his team move in.