Boost Your Chances of Pregnancy: Bringing Your Sex Drive Back to Life WebMD asked top sex experts to explain what happened to your libido and what you can do to get lovemaking back on track. I can't figure out where my sex drive went or how to get it back. The problem is I just don't ever want to get started. But I just turned 39 and my libido is nowhere to be found. Experts say that a lack of interest in making love -- even with partners we adore in many other ways -- is not as unusual as we might think.
Understanding Your Sex Drive - Or Lack of It For some women, low sex drive or even the inability to have sex is linked to specific problems. According to renowned sex therapist NYU professor Virginia Sadock, MD, this can include illness, medications , or sometimes even a specific physical problem related to intercourse. A lack of lubrication, for example, makes sex less comfortable and over time that can dampen desire," says Christiane Northrup, MD, author of The Wisdom of Menopause Hay House.
When low sex drive is health-related, experts say, the solution is easy. You can't believe how many women suffer, not realizing how easy this problem is to solve," says Northrup. Continued But while for some women the answer might be as close as that tube on the nightstand, Sadock says, for many others the lack of libido is intimately linked to the complex emotional algorithm that makes up a woman's sex drive.
Case in point, the Journal of Impotence Research study found that relationship problems were frequently at the heart of many women's low sex drive. Moreover, Sadock says other studies found that even when a woman's body is turned on, she won't recognize it if she's not emotionally open to making love. This, she says, can also occur when self-esteem is low.
For women who need a little encouragement that intimacy is still within their grasp, Sadock recommends giving fantasy a try. Imagine, if you will, having the most wonderful, delicious, glorious romp with anyone you desire -- a movie star, an old flame, a mysterious stranger -- and then see how you feel.
Ramp Up Low Sex Drive by Resolving Issues "Many women are scared to even consider their relationship as the cause of their desire issues because they are afraid it means the marriage is over, but this is not usually the case," says Sadock. Continued Indeed, she says, most often it's not the catastrophic divorce-level problems that are standing in the way, but rather a compilation of small but very "fixable" issues that have just piled up over time.
Amaru agrees and adds, "When I finally get patients to open up about what is bothering them, I often find they are simply overloaded in their life -- too much work, too many responsibilities, too much on their shoulders, with too little help and acknowledgement from their partners.
Experts say avoid phrases like "You make me feel lousy" or "You turn me off when you Now that you've got his attention, let him know how much his affections matter to you and how sexy you feel when he tells you're pretty or shows his appreciation for the little things you do. Spend time together alone away from the kids, the phone, the computer, the TV, even for just 20 minutes a day.
The goal, says Sadock, is to relate to each other as man and woman -- not just mommy and daddy, or even husband and wife. One of the sexiest things you can do, she says, is make a date for lunch. Use It, Don't Lose It For many women, taking these few steps can have an amazing and immediate impact on their libido.
For others, it may take some time to get the mojo started again. What can you do help the process along? If you enjoy sex once it's been initiated, remind yourself of that and go with it even if sexual desire isn't apparent at the start, advises Amaru. This is about recognizing that once you get started you enjoy it, and helping yourself to get over the barrier so you can enjoy it. Finally, if self esteem is the problem, do whatever it takes to make yourself feel sexy and pretty again.
Moreover, Sadock offers us this encouraging thought to keep in mind: So even if you see all the lines and creases and bumps and bulges, he really doesn't. You actually look a lot better to him than you look to yourself. So hold that thought and go for it.