March 29, — comments Douching Bryanboy's Guide to Cleaning Your Ass Before Engaging in Anal Sex Written By bryanboy Douching Every time I talk about anal sex with straight people, especially with pure and innocent ladies, the first question they ask me is… "does it hurt"… which is immediately followed by… "what about shit?
BTW, this entry is dedicated to Shaniqua, who emailed me early last week asking for help. I have always been a bottom boy. I really, really, really enjoy getting things shoved up my arse. Words cannot describe the feeling of having a nice, long, fat, throbbing cock punch your prostate while you jack off watching CNN or Fashion TV.
I must have been 15 or 16 years old. I went to a drugstore one day to buy some sundries like chewing gum, cotton etc. Being the curious cat that I am, I opened the box and saw this soft, pink plastic thing that was shaped like a burger with a removable nozzle.
I had absolutely NO clue what the hell that was for it said something on the instructions on how you remove the thing and put liquid inside but I ended up buying the thing anyway cause I thought it might be useful in the future.
I went to the shower, filled the thing with water, and squirted away until I dropped the kids in the toilet. The nozzle was about 4 inches long, roughly the size of a stabilo boss highlighter and it was as thick as a baby cigar. It had these tiny little holes in the end. To sum it up, it was like getting fucked by an Asian child. I swear to mother fucking god it was the most surreal and awkward experience in my entire life.
So I hid it. Away from prying eyes. Not in my room, of course. Fast forward a couple of months later, my mom somehow found the thing and started interrogating everyone in the house as to who it belongs to.
I almost had a coronary. God must have listened my prayers because earlier that week, one of our maids quit so I said to my mum, maybe it was hers. And that was the end of it. No words escaped my mouth in regards to the little pink douche.
Nobody knows about it. When one of my former boyfriends asked me to fuck his ass, I thought, ok, fine, whatever. The stench was unbearable. The experience was soo traumatising I still have emotional scars.
That was around 8 years ago. Which is the last time I fucked someone in the ass. I got fucked by this Swiss guy once — everything was fantastic — the sex was amazing — when he pulled out, there was like a tiny spot or two on his cock head.
There I was, soo embarassed about the experience and he was being totally cool and even joked on how "it felt good knowing I do eat afterall" whereas I completely lost it and screamed like a madwoman when it happened to me and my ex. Still and most definitely NOT sparkling. Room temperature only please. Personally I prefer Evian but any mineral water would do. If you can put the opening up your hole, the better.
Count 1 to Hold it all in like a mother protecting her child. And there you have it. Your ass is good to go and you can now star in your own gangbang creampie video. You can even let guys felch you. My email address is bryanboy gmail. I love you all!