Edit Wiki Country flower, you know they make that shit Massengill Country flower is pooty poo freshener, that's what it is, ooh it smells like a country flower well who wants to eat a country flower?
I had 3 sisters growin up there was shit in the bathtub that I didn't know what it was until I was Mama had that big water bottle hangin off in there, to me it was just a really neat squirt gun. I was in there trying to blow it up, pfhfhghtff you can't blow that sumbitch up you'll bust a blood vessel in your head and don't suck on it ughh.
Mama said get that out of your mouth do you know where that's been, she wants to kill ya cuz she thinks she's raising a fuckin heathen, daddy's laughin his ass off cuz he was in there 3 hours earlier tryin to do the same damn thing. He didn't know what it was, he was out there watering the plants with that sonofabitch. You don't see those anymore, the days of the water bottle are gone, women these days are naturally fresh, they figured out soap works.
I married a woman who's got an identical twin sister and they look just alike, naturally I married way over my fuckin head, she's gorgeous. If she walked in here right now you'd be like what the fuck how did you get her? It's all I had. But I tell ya this, you marry a twin, you date a twin, you fuck one, you pretty much wanna fuck the other.
But here's some real good advice, don't ever bring that up. That was a shitty Christmas, I got news for ya. I never planned to get married, men never plan to get married, women do, "I'm gonna get married, I'm gonna have a big house, and he's gonna work, and I'm not" dream ooooonnnnn, hooker!
Dream the fuck on. All right I'll marry ya, you happy? Oh yeah ha ha ha ha. Then comes the plannin of the wedding and every day is an event to her " what do you think about the napkins and the sign-in book and my dress and the panties and blah blah blah blah fuckin blah. I don't give a shit, just make sure there's beer and whiskey when the shit's over with! Cuz I'll tell ya somethin boys, at this point in time, you don't know how bad you screwed up! Then comes the day of the wedding you're dressed up and she's dressed up no turnin back now is there uh-uh.
What the f- hey wwwwait where y'all goin don't you leave me here, ohhhh shit! I gotta stay with her forever, oh shit! It's not the emotional committment that bothers a man, if he tells you he loves you he loves you.
Or else he's just drunk, and wants a little pussy! What' s wrong with that? Share your puss, for god's sakes! Share it with a stranger for god's sakes. There's nothin wrong with that, it's the physical committment that bothers a man, the long term physical commitment.
The lack of nobody else's pussy for the rest of his fuckin life! Same woman forever, feels the same looks the same feels the same looks the same feels the same looks the same smells the same feels the same looks the same feels the same looks the same god damnit!
I want a red one! I want excitement, I want kinky, I don't want real kinky I've had that "Pee on me! I'm not gonna pee on ya, I got the dog, I'll bring him in he'll pee on ya.
Shit woman, you're weird. I'm not shittin ya if a man came out of the bathroom near a dark corner around here and there was a woman standing next to it with her miniskirt pulled up goin "Look this peanut fits right here! But if there was a man over there with his pecker hangin out rubbin pimento cheese all over it and a woman walked by and he went "Loooky here" she'd go "What the fuck are you crazy? I don't care if he wears a white collar to work on Sundays, and carries a bible, he's thinkin about pussy!
We're consumed by it , my wife asks me "do you ever think about cheatin on me? That's the greatest marketing tool there is, pussy. If you sold wheelbarrows for a livin this is all your commercial would have to consist of, a beautiful naked woman sittin in a lawn chair no word ever said she just goes mmmmmm and your wheelbarrow flashes up on screen, you could not sell enough fuckin wheelbarrows. If you had a cereal called 'Pussy Puffs' there'd be a line out the grocery store of men wantin to buy themselves some pussy puffs.
Coocoo for Pussy Puffs! Works for a man, wouldn't work for a woman, you could not convinced a woman to buy a cereal called Dickeroos, you couldn't even make the chocolately ones a little bit bigger I've had that crazy ass woman, the one that scares ya a little bit but you like it, I had a woman lean over naked in bed one night whisper to me "I'm gonna stick my finger in your butt" I said "no you're not" She had big long fingernails, I coulda been killed!
We got three children , three boys Zac Sam and George. One sylable names so that if I get pissed, i don't wanna be thinkin' "Bartholomew" That shit wouldn't work at my house. I got a 3 year old named Sam, naked all the time, won't wear clothes, he's like a little hippie walkin around the house, I'm convinced he'd smoke dope if I let him.
He walked in front of me the other night, no clothes on, I was eating Cheetoes, watchin TV, I just saw him out of the corner of my eye shit on the floor and keep walkin, I just saw two brown things come out from his ass and hit the carpet, which aint that far, about this far, not kiddin.
I just thought he did not just do what I think he just did, then he just turned and looked at me like "What you gonna do about it daddy" so I rubbed his nose in it and whipped him with a newspaper.
He was takin a bath the other night, Sam is the crazy one in the bunch, oblivious to anything that goes on around him, he doesn't give a shit, he was sittin in the bathtub the other night, I was on the floor, readin the newspaper, he has a boat that with a propeller that blows a big nice stream of water, holdin it in front of him, on his pecker, the only thing he knew was that it felt really good, I just noticed he got real quiet and still and looked over in the tub to see it was hard as a rock, and we took PICTURES!
So proud of him, I gotta tell ya my wife and children left and took the kids to their granddaddy's house and I was alone and I took a bath. I never take a bath. I looked up and there was that boat. Your children will teach you so much. I have a bigger boat now. I tell you whut they're the best form of birth control there is, you don't want to have any more kids have three, you never get a chance to do it ever again, by the time you get ready to go to bed to do it, you're too fuckin tired you just wanna go to sleep I'll see you in the morning.
Honey, I think we fucked up I miss you, I'm not shittin ya if we gonna do it we gotta do it during the day, we gotta create a diversion, we get all the kids, put in a Barney tape in the livin room, go "Look, it's Barney!