Advice on sex during marital seperation. How to ease the pain of separation.



Advice on sex during marital seperation

Advice on sex during marital seperation

I am a big believer in the therapeutic value of a separation to strengthen the marriage if it's done in the right way for the right reasons, and if there are clear agreements from the start.

This separation can be done at any time and, indeed, is being done by more and more couples. Yet we still think something is "wrong" if couples live apart, and we usually see separation as something used mostly by couples that have reached the breaking point.

They have usually tried various other interventions and tactics to get the marriage back on track and are now at a place where there's nothing left to do but split up, physically separate, and, ultimately, divorce. This seems counterintuitive when a marriage is in trouble and relations are fragile. Most of us believe that when we feel our spouse slipping away from us, we should merge more, get as close as we can, and do more 'to make the marriage work.

This option is especially challenging if the bond between the two of you has been weakened by a betrayed trust. But employed carefully and skillfully and usually with some type of professional support , this tool can be quite effective in bringing two people closer together. Guidelines for an Enhancement Separation Here are some thoughts on how to go about creating your own Enhancement Separation.

While some couples can do this on their own, I highly recommend seeking out some type of neutral third party to help facilitate this process. It can get tricky, especially if this is being done while there is currently some tension or problems between spouses. This can be a therapist, clergy, mediator, or lawyer.

Set Clear and Reasonable Expectations. Ground rules are a must to maintain a sense of trust between the parties. If one person expects to communicate every day but the other doesn't, this could cause hurt feelings.

Knowing what to expect avoids this type of situation. Don't assume that you both have the same goal. You both really need to agree that your intention in living apart is to enhance your marriage. Again, if one spouse thinks the separation is a step in the divorce process but the other thinks it's a temporary "time-out," this can cause a major rift in the trust between the two. Having the same goal in this exercise is particularly important in making it a successful exercise.

Instead of an "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" mentality, it may end up being, "Out of sight, out of mind. It is crucial that each spouse is honest with themselves and honest with each other about why they are doing this exercise: If you or your spouse is trying to make the splitting up process gentler and easier, this is NOT the tool to use. If you are confused about whether or not you want to stay in the marriage, it's important to state that up front.

It's far harder on your spouse's heart if you've led him or her to believe that you will be coming back fully committed to the marriage once the separation is over, only to find out later that you wanted to leave the whole time. This exercise requires a great deal of maturity and it can raise more anxiety than it's worth for those who are dishonest or insecure. An Enhancement Separation can be tapered specifically to your needs and your situation and can be implemented or rescinded at any time.

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Dos and Donts When Separating



Advice on sex during marital seperation

I am a big believer in the therapeutic value of a separation to strengthen the marriage if it's done in the right way for the right reasons, and if there are clear agreements from the start. This separation can be done at any time and, indeed, is being done by more and more couples. Yet we still think something is "wrong" if couples live apart, and we usually see separation as something used mostly by couples that have reached the breaking point.

They have usually tried various other interventions and tactics to get the marriage back on track and are now at a place where there's nothing left to do but split up, physically separate, and, ultimately, divorce. This seems counterintuitive when a marriage is in trouble and relations are fragile. Most of us believe that when we feel our spouse slipping away from us, we should merge more, get as close as we can, and do more 'to make the marriage work.

This option is especially challenging if the bond between the two of you has been weakened by a betrayed trust. But employed carefully and skillfully and usually with some type of professional support , this tool can be quite effective in bringing two people closer together. Guidelines for an Enhancement Separation Here are some thoughts on how to go about creating your own Enhancement Separation. While some couples can do this on their own, I highly recommend seeking out some type of neutral third party to help facilitate this process.

It can get tricky, especially if this is being done while there is currently some tension or problems between spouses. This can be a therapist, clergy, mediator, or lawyer. Set Clear and Reasonable Expectations. Ground rules are a must to maintain a sense of trust between the parties. If one person expects to communicate every day but the other doesn't, this could cause hurt feelings.

Knowing what to expect avoids this type of situation. Don't assume that you both have the same goal. You both really need to agree that your intention in living apart is to enhance your marriage. Again, if one spouse thinks the separation is a step in the divorce process but the other thinks it's a temporary "time-out," this can cause a major rift in the trust between the two.

Having the same goal in this exercise is particularly important in making it a successful exercise. Instead of an "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" mentality, it may end up being, "Out of sight, out of mind.

It is crucial that each spouse is honest with themselves and honest with each other about why they are doing this exercise: If you or your spouse is trying to make the splitting up process gentler and easier, this is NOT the tool to use. If you are confused about whether or not you want to stay in the marriage, it's important to state that up front.

It's far harder on your spouse's heart if you've led him or her to believe that you will be coming back fully committed to the marriage once the separation is over, only to find out later that you wanted to leave the whole time.

This exercise requires a great deal of maturity and it can raise more anxiety than it's worth for those who are dishonest or insecure. An Enhancement Separation can be tapered specifically to your needs and your situation and can be implemented or rescinded at any time.

Advice on sex during marital seperation

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