The 2 Phases Of Estate Planning: And the stakes in your divorce or custody matter are particularly high. You dont get second chances to get star Sexual Addiction: In our suburban community, he had done the things necessary to ensure his family was stable and cared for. His children would have whatever they needed to ensure their success. And he was certain whatever life threw at him or his family—he could handle it.
Long story short, he discovered his wife was living a double life, in the grip of sexual addiction. It hit him right between the eyes, without warning. At that moment all of his defenses, except for very close friends and his faith, were stripped of him. He sat there in a daze, uncertain of what to do next.
Am I really a man? We are well versed in most problems that afflict a marriage: And, in particular, women with sexual addictions, even less understood, but a growing phenomenon. So let me share with you how this caring, professional father handled it, and now, is thriving personally. The first three steps: Contact a counseling resource that specializes in sexual addiction. If you are a Christian or a person of faith, extra credit goes to identifying a counselor that has this specialization and shares your faith.
Go at least twice a month. The right frequency is obviously highly personal, but in the beginning, you need to emotionally triage yourself. Read books on recovery. Get these books, and it will open your eyes to the community of survivors amongst you.
Find someone who has been there, with your same values that can serve as an accountability partner. These books were reported to help my friend, begin here with your journey not a substitute for counseling, but a compliment to treatment: Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. Touches on SA only briefly, but a must-read on the topic of infidelity. Important to read during crisis mode after revelation, as it beautifully emphasizes one key issue: Out of the Shadows.
Obviously Carnes is the grandfather of this, for a betrayed spouse it is necessary to start with a baseline understanding of the field.
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: Essential reading that debunks the applicability of the codependency model of AA and NA, but in the world of sexual addiction. In short, some aspects of the AA and NA step codependency structure do apply to betrayed spouses of sex addicts perhaps some more than others. But recent research points to a more modern and healthier conclusion that the betrayed spouse needs help as a trauma victim far more than as a codependent.
Very empowering for a betrayed partner in crisis mode. This book is great. This is a really helpful book for women sex addicts, especially since there are so few of them. Helps the reader empathize with the mind of the addict and better visualize what distorted core beliefs look like in real life. Also, it follows her day stay in a treatment facility, which was interesting.
Easy, by Kerry Cohen. This is a short novel written for young readers, but paints a vivid picture of what teenage promiscuity looks like when it begins.
Women, Sex, and Addiction: This is a dense and lengthy book written in a very scholarly fashion about sex addiction specifically in women. It is sort of a more formal version of No Stones, mentioned above. Locally, Holly Daly has been recommended to me, but again the choice of a counselor is highly personal and fact-and-personality-specific. Feel free to call our office as we have worked with several dozen in the community with our clients.
And if you decide your marriage cannot be saved after taking the above steps, give my law firm, Smith Strong, PLC a call for a marital and child custody assessment at ALSO, while you're here, go ahead and download my free book on divorce and custody in Virginia, available here on this website at no cost or obligation.